Theoretical Impossibility
by SGSuzi
Summary: This is my ficlet written for Nynaeve for shipmas 2012 secret santa


**Theoretical Impossibility**

Sam pulled a tissue from the box and dabbed the tear spots from the paper, trying not to smudge the pen anymore than she had already. It had been a week since her time aboard the Prometheus, and she still hadn't filed her report. Of course General Hammond had not pushed her, since she was effectively on downtime for another few days, but she knew it was going to be a difficult one to do. How could she write a report based on her experiences without including the most important factor that helped her escape from that Nebula, her hallucinations?

Her hallucinations indeed. It wasn't just the report that was the problem here. The words of her father and Jack were continually coming back to haunt her. Of course they were her thoughts, coming out of hallucinations of people she loved and cared about, but she had to wonder if she was interpreting them correctly.

Since her return, Jack had been his usual self. Caring, concerned cheering her up with his humour, but overall he was just the usual Jack, her commanding officer, her friend, but nothing more. They had agreed three years ago to leave it in the room and that was where it had stayed, and looked like it was going to stay. She had called him Jack when she awoke from her head injury to find him at her bedside, and he had responded how he always responded, in nothing more than a professional and joking manner. That pretty much sealed it, she had wondered whether it was worth trying to speak to him as she had done in her hallucinations, but he had made it clear that it was not appropriate. So in the room it would stay and she must move on, but why was that decision so hard to accept?

"Carter, what ya doing?" Jack's familiar voice pulled her from her ever active and troubling thoughts. Sam tried to collect herself, wiping her eyes with the ink smudged tissue.

"Hey" she answered, slowly turning round to face Jack, her eyes looking down so he couldn't see she was crying, "I'm just working on my report."

"Ah," was all Jack answered. He had come to her lab almost daily as always and each time she was working on the report. He had to know that something was bothering her; normally her reports were written and filed within the hour.

Jack stepped towards her, "What you got on your cheek Carter?" Jack whispered and he cupped her chin raising her face up from the floor, their eyes meeting. He brushed his fingers along her cheek to wipe the offending mark away, the touch of his fingers sending electric shocks through her skin forcing her to pull away.

"Just a bit of pen" she mumbled, looking down towards the floor once again.

"Carter have you been crying again?" Jack questioned her, "For crying out loud this is the fourth time this week I've come in here to find you in tears, come on spill, this is not the Major Carter I know here."

Sam could not help it, the flood gates opened and the tears fell down her cheeks, she tried to turn away determined not to cry on Jack but she found herself rooted to the spot, held by Jack's arm.

"C'mere," Jack said quietly as he pulled her gently into his arms, holding her as she sobbed, his warm breath on her neck giving her the comfort she craved, and the courage she needed. It was now or never she concluded, she would tell him of her hallucinations and her thoughts, then she would know the truth either way.

"Close the door and grab a seat," Sam managed to say thought her sobs.

Jack did as he was told, a look of intrigue on his face. Sam's heart was in her throat as she recalled her hallucinations onboard the Prometheus. She didn't let Jack speak, if he interrupted her now she would lose the courage and once again let her thoughts and feelings remain hidden from the one she wished to share them with the most. His eyes widened as she recalled the conversation she had had with him on the Prometheus. When she had finished they sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity, their eyes locked, neither one of them wanting to lose eye contact, afraid that it was all just a dream, finally Jack broke the silence.

"It's true you know," He whispered. "I will always be there for you. You have to believe me."

Sam's courage returned, "Then I kissed you" she blurted out quickly, as if she hoped Jack would miss what she had said.

"You did what?" Jack asked slowly, the corners of his mouth turning upwards into a smile. "Was it nice?" he continued to probe as he got up from his seat and stepped slowly towards where Sam was standing. He moved in closer to her and took her face into his hands and slowly planted his lips upon hers, brushing gently at first. Sam felt as though a million butterflies had entered her body, she returned the kiss, her hands finding Jacks face, his hair, his neck, their lips locked hungrily together. Jack ran his fingers through Sam's hair pulling her closer, their embrace becoming more passionate with every second...

Sam sat upright with a jolt, her skin damp with sweat, her face wet with tears. The room was dark and cold, it was the middle of the night, she had been dreaming. Suddenly the realization of what she dreamt hit her. What had she done? Why had she been so stupid? Why hadn't she come to the same conclusion in reality? The tears continued to stream down her face.

"Sam, Sam, baby what's wrong?" She felt a warm arm on her back, rubbing gently; she looked over towards the man she was sharing a bed with. How could she have been so stupid? Jack was right she was the problem.

"Oh Jack, I was so stupid, why didn't I just tell you then?" she said through muffled sobs as she recalled her dream. "If I hadn't been so stupid we never would have gone through all that heartache that had us so close to never being together."

Jack just looked at her, his brown eyes full of love. "But we are together, and will always be together, I love you so much, and I am never letting you go" Jack whispered lovingly as he pulled her into his embrace.

He held her quietly for a few minutes in the darkness but could tell that her dream still weighed heavily on her thoughts. Jack pulled away from her to look Sam directly in the eyes, "Did you ever think that we needed to be apart. If we'd gotten together back then we might have made different choices, and you might not have been there when we needed you to come up with one crazy idea after another. I cherish every moment that we spent together and apart Sam. It showed me how much I love you and how much the world, hell the galaxy needs you."

Sam smiled up at him, once again amazed by the intelligence that sparkled behind his mesmerizing eyes. Jack liked to hide his intelligence behind his joking nature but she knew that he understood a lot more then he led on. She pulled him in for a kiss when she couldn't resist any longer. It left them both breathless and they clung to one another. Jack had a way of distracting even the most brilliant scientist and air force officer from her wayward thoughts.

Sam had all but drifted off to sleep once again when Jack whispered in her ear, "You're a precious resource Sam, my precious resource and even though I know that if anyone could find a way to go back and change things it would be you, I wouldn't change our life together for anything. Now go back to sleep Sam," Jack ordered, casting a glance over at the clock on the bedside. "Oh and Merry Xmas Mrs O'Neill," he added planting a kiss on top of her head.


End file.
